My Son is Autistic

Ryan showed me how to post that link to the show. Thanks Love!

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Today  I watched a story on the Today show about an amazing young man. His name is Zack. As a  senior in high school he befriended a boy named Gram, who has Autism.  He noticed that Gram has been sitting alone at lunch every day, and decided to change that. This one simple act changed Grams life, he was no longer alone, he now has a friends.

A friend, what we all hope and wish for. It seems so simple, so everyday to most of us, but for children like my little Collin, it make a world of difference. A friend. That is my hope for Collin. Someday he will have a friend to sit with at lunch.

Thank you Zack for renewing my hope in people, for sitting with Gram and by doing so, in a way, sitting wiht my Collin.

(I don’t now how to add links but you can find the story at www.KLGandHoda.com)

Friday was an interesting day. It gave me some good insight  to Collin.  He has been riding the bus to school and loves it.  He gets so excited when the bus arrives and runs to find his seat.

Friday moring right as the bus arrived he had an accident which required a bath. I let them know I would drive Collin to school and sent them on their way.

We got the accident all cleaned up and were on our way to school. He was excited and happy to be going, until he realized he wouldn’t be on the bus.  He started to cry, then scream, then hit his legs and cry louder. This continued all the way to school. I figured he would be OK when he saw the school. Wrong. The volume just increased.

He cried until his bus pulled up. When he saw his bus he climbed out of the van, went to the bus climbed on and sat in his seat. Now that his world was made right he was fine. When it was time to go in to class he got off  the bus happy as could be and had a wonderful day.

Heaven help us if we ever miss the bus again!

Today was a hard day. A day where I was crying, or wanting to most of the day.  Collin, Brady, and mom are all sick with colds. Dad isn’t feeling all that hot either and I  just didn’t deal well with anything that came my way.

On days like today I want to find something to blame my problems on and Autism is the number one thing. If Collin didn’t have Autism this wouldn’t happen, or that wouldn’t happen and my life would be easy.

After an hour 0r so of doing that I realize how dumb I’m being and the guilt sets in.  Which caused a new problem because now I’m mad at the world and feeling guilty about it too. At which point I breakdown and realize how go0d I really have it.

Yes Collin has Autism, but he’s alive. He can walk and give hugs. He’s able to breath on his own, isn’t in a hospital, and could have so much wrong with him that he doesn’t.

A friend pointed this out to me tonight. She was telling me about a little girl she met on Saturday that had a syndrome which caused her organs to develop abnormally. She couldn’t walk, talk, breath on her own, hold her head up, ect.  She said every sense then she has been so grateful for her children. Sure they drive her crazy at times, but they’ re healthy and happy kids.

My kids can drive me crazy, but they are my kids and I love them. When I look back on life I want to be able to say that even 0n sick days Autism didn’t win. Collin did.

Today was a hard one. Collin melted down more then not, which sent Brady into melt down phase and mom right along with them.

Our day started out well enough, until we went to the store.  When the weather is warm we would always go to the park, then the store. But today was at 45 degrees, to0 cold for a park trip, according to mom. Collin didn’t agree and was very vocal about it. We got to  good old Walmart and he started screaming, he did calm down, until I told him he had to hold my hand and not run though the store. Enter melt down number 2, and just keep adding.

It didn’t matter what we did today Collin cried over it. Lunch, nap, watching TV, reading books. And more often then not every time he would cry Brady would cry too, most of the time for not other reason then Collin crying.

By 6:00 when it was time to go to work I was so grateful that Ryan was taking over and I got to leave.  Truthfully these days are few and far between, but when they come they  make up for the off days.

Here’s to hoping tomorrow is better.

Yesterday I heard a quote that I fell in love with.

“If you’ve met one child with Autism, you’ve met one child with Autism.”

This past week Collin had been doing testing for the school district t0 determine his placement in preschool. I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard people say “He’s just not like other Autistic kids.”  And he’s not. Most kids respond to things differently then he does. He is his own little man. He  is stubborn, and loving and not like other kids.

But I don’t know what that means. Is it bad that he’s not a typical Autistic kid? What will that mean for him in school? Will he have to try harder, will his teacher and family have to learn new ways to reach him that don’t work with other children? I don’t know. All I know is that his is “One child with Autism” and this child is mine.

 I don’t know how to reach him and it’s driving me crazy.  It doesn’t help when his teachers don’t know how to reach him either.    I’ve been told this week that he is a mystery. Isn’t that true with all kids?

Sorry for the venting but I’m really at a loss right now. I want to help Collin, but I need people, who know Autism better then I do, to help me help him and they are at a loss on what to do as well. Which leaves all of us standing around looking at Collin waiting for him to tell us what to do next. Today I just want to scream! But really what good would that do? Not much.

So tonight I sit and wonder. What will I do that will reach Collin? What will help him? What haven’t I tried?  And what will I do to motivate my self to keep trying when he doesn’t respond.

He is “One Child”. He is my Child. I have been given him for a reason. I’m just not sure what that reason is yet.

Yesterday our little Brady turned 1. He is such a happy little guy and we love him so very much. Every day I look at him and realize how lucky I am to have him in my life. I also look at him with hope, hope that he will never know the world his older brother is trapped in.

The difference in Collin and Brady is like night and day. Brady is developing in a much different way then Collin ever did. When Collin was little I always thought I was so lucky to have such a sweet quite child. I never knew that there was anything “wrong”. He was my first Child and I just thought he was developing fine. I  now realize from watching Brady how much I missed with Collin.

Every little thing Brady does with bitter-sweet. I am so excited that he loves to play with cars, climb on things, play with friends and smile. He calls me Mom and Ryan Dad and we love it so much, but it pulls on our hearts ever time he does, because as Ryan said one day, “the little brother isn’t supposed to do things first”.  But that is how our family works. Brady is teaching Collin and Collin teaches Brady and they both teach us. We are a family and we are here for each other “Always, Forever, and No Matter What.”

I hope the best for you little Brady, no matter what that may be. Autism you stay away, don’t take the light form my Brady’s eyes.

Collin has therapy about 11 times a month. 3 times in home, twice for speech and once with his “social” therapist,  the other 8 times he goes to Kids Who Count and does playgroup therapy.

Playgroup is Tuesday and Thursday form 9-10:15. During that time he gets to play with toys and interact with the other kids, do circle time where he is asked to sit and fallow directions during games, do an art project, have a snack and read a book. Busy day for a 2 year old.  He really enjoys the playing and eating part of Playgroup, but circle time is not his thing.

He doesn’t like sitting and being told what to do.  Most days he will cry, and try to run away. Or try and play with toys that have been put away, and cover his ears when he is asked to return to his seat.  But not today! Today he wanted to play. Sure he wasn’t the first kid to run over to the circle, and he still had his moments, but he wanted to play. He took turns and did the games, read the book and even played ring-around-the-Rosy!

I was so excited, it was like after a year of going over and over it clicked today. He figured it out! Will he do as well on Thursday as he did today? Who knows. But today he did good and that made me so happy.

Last night I watched a show called Autism X6.  It’s a documentary about a family in Murry, UT who has 6 children, all in the autistic spectrum. As I watched I had mixed thoughts and feelings. The main thought I had was ” I’m so glad that’s not me.”

Collin is an amazing little boy.  He was diagnosed with High Function Autism in June of this this.  Because he is so young they want to retest him in a year and see if he has improved or stayed the same. Even having a High Functioning Autistic child can be hard. You have to learn a whole new set of “rules” when it comes to them. Collin will do what he will do, when he will do it, and not a minute before. So he’s like most 2 year olds.  But it takes him a bit longer to catch on to things. You have to ask a number of times, and wait, then ask again, then take him by the hand and show him what you mean.  But once he understands something he’s got it.

 For example we have taught him to put his dishes in the sink when he is done. He won’t always remember to take them there, but if you remind him to ” go take your cup to the sink” he will do it.  He also knows what is and isn’t accepted in out home. You are not allowed to climb on the table, 0r hit, ect. And once again just like any two year old he has to be reminded and then it’s  ok.

Watching this sh0w last night made me remember how greatful I am that Collin is able to learn those things. This family had two children who were mild, two who were on  the other end and two in the middle. The mom said that somedays the stress is so much all she can do is sleep. I felt so sorry for that family. And not because they had children with Autism, but because it seemed, at least to me, that they didn’t have any outside help from family or friends.

It was amazing to watch and learn from them.  They took it one day at a time, because that was all they could handle. And they loved each of their children for who they were and what they could do. They knew their children were different then others, and expressed fear for their future, just as I do for little Collin.

Seeing these Six children made me think, if my children all had this disorder, would I have more children? If Brady ends up having autism as well will I be brave enough to have another child. I don’t know. I’d like to think I would have the faith welcome another into my life, but for now I don’t know.

Very interesting show.

On any given day, would you say your children are a blessing or a burden? Here is a challenge to you…

How are you?”…“How is the baby?”…“How are your kids?”… We all hear these questions every day. Do you know a mom who always answers something like this: “Well, I haven’t killed my 2-year-old yet, so I guess that’s good.” Or, “I’m just exhausted,” or, “Things are absolutely crazy – I am so stressed out!” Maybe that frazzled, haggard, bewildered mommy is someone you know. Maybe it’s you. I know I’ve been there.

Here is my question to you today… are we bearing our blessings as burdens? Those babies that we dreamt of and prayed for, that we had so much fun choosing names for, that we counted the days to meet… are they burdens to us now? Those homes that we were ecstatic to move into… are they burdens now? That husband that we couldn’t live without, that we picked out the wedding dress for, that we cried and ached and waited by the phone for… is he a burden now? That job you needed, you wanted and prayed for, that provides food and clothing for your family… is it a burden now?

Sometimes it seems to me like a mantle we as moms must carry. We must be tired, we must be stressed out; we must be harried and frazzled, we must be lucky just to make it through the day. Are we bearing our blessings as burdens? Are we tired? Absolutely. As moms, we know about the 2 a.m. feedings, the nightmares, the wet beds, the midnight curfews. Do things get a little stressful between PTA meetings, dance class, the T-ball game, and dinner on the table at 6? Sure they do. Are husbands always a joy when they get home from work? No way. Is scrubbing the potty, doing the laundry, and cleaning the high chair tray the greatest thrill we’ve ever known? Of course not.

So how do look past the burdens and see the blessings of our families and our homes? Do you know any women who would give anything to have a baby to nurse at 2 a.m.? Anyone who would love to have those clothes we are sick of washing, or that house we just can’t keep clean. Do you know any women whose husbands aren’t coming home?

I challenge you to joy, to smile, to persevere. I challenge you to bear your burdens as blessings and watch as they multiply. And the next time someone asks you how you are, throw off that identity of stressed out, frazzled mommy, find your smile and answer, “I am blessed!”