My Son is Autistic

Tonight I had a bad moment as a mom. I lost it with Collin and started yelling at him. I am so mad at myself!

Collin has been awesome all day. We played at Grandma and Grandpa’s, he was happy with everyone, it was a good day. Then we came home and he was so tired! He’s like anyone when he gets tired, all he can think about it getting to sleep, so he cries and cries until you put him in bed. Normally there wouldn’t have been a problem, but he needed to go to the bathroom so I wouldn’t let him go to bed until he pooped.

He is still having a hard time with potty training. He will go to the potty when you tell him to, sit, and then nothing. He will not pee or poop in the potty. But we’re plugging alone and he is doing well. I just know one of these days he will get it. Tonight when we got home he was standing in the living room and started his little poop grunt. So I pick him up and ran him to the potty. He was in the middle of pooping and stopped. He would not go! I was determined that he wasn’t getting down until he did, because I didn’t want him to go in his pullup and then play in it, which is what happens when he poops at night in his room. But he wouldn’t go and started crying to get down. Fine! I’ll put a Pullup on him and watch him until he goes then he can go to bed.

Enter melt down. He wouldn’t go and I wouldn’t let him go to bed until he did. So he’s screaming because he is so tired and I lost it and started yelling at him to just poop and you can go to bed. In steps Ryan with just a look. He can just look at me and let me know I’ve gone too far, and be so right about it. Here I am screaming at a little 2 yeat old who just wants to sleep. It was one of those moments where I lost it and wanted to yell at the top of my lungs “I hate you autism! If you didn’t have my son he could tell me with words that he just wants to go to bed!”

The truth of the matter is he’s 2. Autism or not if he was tired he would cry. Where was my motherly love tonight. What made me yell instead of taking him into my arms and telling him it was OK. And what can I do to avoid that in the future?

 I’m sorry little Collin. It’s ok. Sleep well and know that mommy loves you.

I had this wonderful idea. Collin doesn’t have playgroup therapy for the next two weeks because it’s summer break, so I figured it was a great time to potty train him. That’s right, potty train. Why did I think this would be a good idea.

The problem is I haven’t done anything to get ready for this big event.  I just said, lets potty train Collin. Well Collin let me know that it’s going to take a bit more then just mom saying lets go. Yesterday I just put him in big boy underpants and said lets do this. I started out the day with high hopes.  By 7:30 at night when Ryan got h0me I was ready to give him away!  He is so stubborn, just like his m0m. He can hold his pee as long as he wants and decide when to go and when to stop. How do I know this……

At one low point I told him he couldn’t leave the bathroom until he peed. At which point he started to pee and then turned his little boy part toward me and peed on my leg!

 Needless to say I figured out a few things about myself and Collin yesterday. And now we are starting over. I went online last night and found a potty training book which teaches you the tricks of the trade.  I’m going to plan this our better, get myself ready for this battle before I try again.

So Collin is almost 3 and not potty trained. Yeah, I wish he would be, but he’s not. It’s not the end of the world.  I’m going to train myself a bit more and start again. I’ll keep you posted on how this works.

In other news. Brady learned to climb up on the couch today, he just doesn’t know how to get down. So sweet my little Brady.